I personally have had both positive and adverse childhood experiences as an ATCK.
What positive childhood experiences (PCEs) did you have growing up as a Third Culture Kid?
Well for me, minus the one deadly secret that we had to keep inside the walls of our home of being a disengaged alcoholic family, my childhood overseas was truly beautiful and culturally rich!
It was filled with cherished memories of an abundance of creative, imaginative play, adventure, and exploration of all the natural habitats, wildlife, and resources that a thriving island could provide.
My teen years were full of friends, festivals, local foods, and fun traditions. Every summer vacation was spent traveling and visiting new countries or islands in the Caribbean. I was so blessed to have my childhood years filled with such rich cultural diversity.
It was this very richness, however, that ironically kept me from understanding the significance of losses my cross-culture lifestyle had rooted in me throughout my developmental years. The loss of familiar customs and traditions, and of a country and land, that I dearly loved, but as a foreigner none of which were officially mine. There was also the separation and great losses of the families and friends that were lifelines throughout my developmental years.
What adverse experiences has growing up as a Third Culture Kid had in my adult life?
Well as an 'adult TCK' with lingering alcoholic family coping patterns, I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve wrestled with where exactly I belonged. Especially in this country that I now call ‘home’ and with my poor coping skills I’ve often struggled with how to manage that lonely feeling of rejection.
Unfortunately, my diminished coping skills caused this lack of belonging to grow into a deeply rooted thorn of rejection, with each year that unresolved grief and loss accumulated. This cancer went on to affect my vocation as a wife and in-law to a mono-cultured husband with family history roots that stemmed all the way back to the colonization days of the Mayflower. Then later this deeply rooted sense of not belonging affected me as a mother. While raising my children I can remember back to many situations and circumstances where I struggled with feeling like an outsider in my passport country, and just had to standby and watch as each child developed yet another monocultural bond with this foreign land, its proud history and the people that grew up here. A bond that their father and his family of origin understood and identified with, but one that I could never fully comprehend.
In hindsight, I can now see how I silently fought and rejected those unpreventable bonds, and due to my poor coping patterns I caused unnecessary hardships and hurtful consequences in several of my relationships along the way.
What about you dear sojourner, have you considered that your childhood experiences might have affected your relationships today with a spouse or family members?
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I pray you found what you needed today. Please leave a comment below, I would love to continue this conversation and understand how it might have been helpful for you.
May God Bless You,
Leslie
