Yes, I am a Third Culture Kid. For me, this is definitely *not* a negative label, but much like a diagnosis from the doctor, it has provided me with a starting point in helping me understand confusing and difficult circumstances in my life. More importantly, it has brought me great comfort in knowing I am not alone.
This significant resource came across my path around fifteen years ago when I was gifted a first-edition copy of the book “Third Culture Kid” (TCK) by one of my older sisters. At the time I was unable to process the full impact of this information because I was too busy masquerading so I could belong.
Anyhow, not too
long ago I ended up purchasing an audio version of the newest revised edition
which includes even more updated information on cross-culture living in our
modern world today. I felt it might help me unpack some of that
unacknowledged childhood loss and unresolved grief, and I wasn’t
wrong. I can say this newer revised edition is just as much a powerhouse
as that first edition. This time around I was in a better place to receive
and apply the help it offered. It was also fascinating to see how third-cultural living has evolved over the past 35 years. I highly recommend
reading this book if you directly experienced
something similar or if you know someone who did.
To be classified as
a third-culture kid means I was raised for a
significant portion of my childhood years outside my parent's passport
culture. Minus the one deadly secret that inside our home we were a
disengaged alcoholic family, my childhood
overseas was truly rich! It was filled with cherished memories of an
abundance of creative, imaginative play, adventure, and exploration
of all the natural habitats, wildlife, and resources that a thriving island could
provide. My teen years were full of friends, festivals, local foods, and fun
traditions. Every summer vacation was spent traveling and visiting new countries or islands in
the Caribbean. I was so
blessed to have my childhood years filled with such rich cultural
diversity. It was this very richness, however, that kept me from
understanding the significance of the losses a cross-culture lifestyle
included. The loss of familiar customs and traditions, and of a country and land,
that I dearly loved, but none of which were officially mine. There was also the
separation from families and friends that were my lifelines growing up.
As an 'adult TCK', I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve wrestled with where exactly I belonged in this world. I can remember years later when Facebook was first created, I desperately went on a search for as many of my childhood classmates as I could find. During that process, the most unexpected series of events happened, that completely blindsided me. As more and more classmates started joining our Facebook group and we were reconnecting I noticed I could not understand their conversations. The slang they now spoke, was really difficult to understand and almost impossible to read. The local places they spoke about meeting up for group events… I had no clue what they were talking about. The carnival, fêtes, and other local festivities that were a big part of their daily lives were not even on my radar. I was living a very different lifestyle. I felt like such an outsider. Then I started noticing they were inviting people to join our Facebook group, who weren’t even from our class in school. People I had no prior relationship with, but were actually friends and classmates of my siblings. My former classmates had befriended these people in the years after I left. The life I once knew had moved on, and I was no longer a part of it. Looking back that was truly more than I could bear. The 'home' that was once a lifeline for me during my childhood, no longer existed.
Unfortunately, I continued to carry that unacknowledged loss and unresolved grief inside me for many many years afterward and my body has definitely kept the score. What about you, have you considered that your current ailments might be from unresolved past grief or loss?
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I pray you found what you were needing today. Please leave a comment below, I would love to hear how this post might have been helpful for you.
Remember you are not alone! No matter what you’ve done or failed to do you are still loved unconditionally by a very merciful and just Lord and Savior!
May God Bless You,
Leslie
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