All that childhood loss and unresolved grief I spoke about earlier, had not only taken a huge toll on my relationship with God, my marriage, and my children but on my body too.
To answer the question, for me, I carry my loss and grief in different parts of my body. My neck, shoulders, lower back, gut, and hands.
I didn’t make that connection until later after reading this profound book. I learned that our bodies, not our minds, are the holders of not only trauma but all loss and grief.
Later I learned about Dr. John Sarno M.D’s work on psychosomatic healing. Another great resource on how the body holds emotions physically. I truly wish this was a more standardized approach to our healthcare system here in the USA.
Sadly, today I live in a
culture that holds ZERO traditions around grief. I have no clue if the
person sitting next to me in the pew, or standing in front of me at the
checkout lane is grieving. Our American culture thinks there is a time limit
for grieving, for example after the death of a family member, you’d be lucky to
get one week off, and then it’s time to get back to work and carry out your
duties as if nothing happened 😡. No wonder
we live in one of the most self-medicating, emotionally and physically toxic
cultures in the world!
Did you know there is NO TIME LIMIT for grieving?! The length
of time it takes to grieve a loss or death will be directly proportional to the
relationship you had with that person or circumstance.
Whether a person had a
great marriage that lasted for 2, 10, 20, or 63 years it could take that person years not
days or months, to grieve such a huge loss in their life! We wane in and
out of different stages of grief for as long as needed. There’s no
systematic sequential order to grieving. No boxes to check off.
Someone grieving can be triggered at any moment when a they least
expect it.
Take me for example, one day I was talking with a dear friend about common military phrases, one, in particular, being “knock it off”. That was a trigger for me because it happened to be something my dad said all the time at home. Another time I was in the store and a man passed me by wearing the same cologne or aftershave that my dad used to wear.
If you resonate with what I’m saying, then
please be gentle with yourself. Pay attention to your body daily. Breathe
past your lungs into your gut and drink lots and lots of water! For the
love of God, please get healing for any unreasonable guilt, or any unrecognized
shame, and get help to acknowledge your losses and resolve your grief, so your
body doesn’t need to hold on to it anymore.
Another important
piece to my grief journey that I learned about is that loss
does NOT need to be a major trauma such as the death of a loved one. It could be the loss of a country you grew up in… A boyfriend you didn’t
want to break up with… The loss of a beloved sister-in-law or brother-in-law
from a divorce... A close older sibling who went off to college... A
treasured friend that moved away… A dog or cat you loved that ran away… Being
laid off from your first job out of college, that you really liked… A
cherished childhood sibling who chose to be estranged from the family with no
explanation… Your last child who grew up and moved out of the
house… Your adult child who decided to leave the Church… Your
grandchildren are being raised without Faith. You get my point, right? Regardless of what type of trauma a person suffers every single-loss-and-unresolved-grief-is-carried-in-the-body!
So for me, personally no matter how many times I tried to avoid facing painful memories of my past, by self-medicate present day triggers with TV, food, social media, and my biggest default busyness, I was met with the same outcome. These buffers would temporarily numb my mind and distract my thoughts from any fear, anxiety, or pain, however my-body-never-forgot.
As long as I remained blind and continued carrying unreasonable guilt, unrecognized shame, and any loss
and grief in my life, and blindly left it unacknowledged and unresolved, my body has always paid the
price.
If you relate, then my recommendation for you dear reader is to tune in and listen to your body. Do you suffer from any physical ailments? Fibromyalgia, Constipation? IBS? Stomach issues? Heart issues? Headaches? Shoulder, neck, hand, or foot pain? Visual or hearing ailments? Do you struggle with anxiety? Anger? Depression? There is likely a high probability that you are carrying unreasonable guilt, unrecognized shame, unacknowledged loss, and or unresolved grief!!!
Things that I found helpful on my journey of recovery… I started reading books like this and this and this! I started seeing a lady from my local community who specializes in inner healing. I later learned about another lady who has an inner healing program online, and she works with people all over the world. I also attended a grief support group at my church. If this is not an option for you do a Google search to find a local grief support group. Look into Grief Share, and if that doesn’t work, any local hospice care facility should have a listing for grief support groups in your area.
Of all the resources I mentioned above hands down, if there were only one of these that you could choose for whatever reason, then I would say PLEASE try inner healing. Honestly, I’ve been through counseling, coaching and support groups. All of which were helpful in their own way, but nothing has brought me more resolve and permanent relief than inner healing!
During inner healing sessions you engage directly with the Holy Spirit! He is your healer. When invited into those hidden wounds, He helps you unearth any unreasonable guilt, unrecognized shame, unacknowledged loss, and unresolved grief and then He gives you the courage and supernatural strength to face the pain or fear behind each of those past experiences. By the end of the session those God-holes are filled with His unconditional love, mercy, light and a lasting peace.
From personal experience, my inner healing results were more efficient and came with more lasting resolutions than any other modality I’ve ever tried!
God is our healer not humans.
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Here are two beautiful healing prayers I use often before going to bed a night...
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I pray you found what you needed today dear reader. Please leave a comment below, I would love to hear how this post might have been helpful to you.
Remember you are not alone! No matter what you’ve done or failed to do you are still loved unconditionally by a very merciful and just Lord and Savior!
May God Bless You,
Leslie
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