Yes, absolutely! Maybe the better question is how do you cope when bad things happen to you?
Almost a decade ago there was a season in my life when I thought I was drowning and suffocating in a series of bad things. For almost five consecutive Fall and
Winter months, I was hit with one major tragedy (painful life experience) after another from the brain surgery of a parent, to the serious motorcycle accident of my child, to the unexpected suicide of a close friend, to the death of two loved family members.
It was during that time, I was given this quote by St. Teresa of
Calcutta…
…while these wise words
did offer some comfort, they didn’t stop the silent negative impact these
events were having on my already existing seasonal affective
disorder. I remember being completely exasperated and desperate for a
break, after the fifth year in a row. To this day the Fall and
Winter seasons are still quite difficult for me.
I prayed so many times during those difficult years, pleading and asking our Lord, "Why did I have to experience all these bad things in my life and when were they ever going to stop?!” I remember thinking if there was some kind of lesson God wanted me to learn I just wished I’d hurry up and learn it so He could stop “kissing me”. I would beg Him for some kind of neon sign or two-by-four to hit me over the head so I could get the clarity I obviously wasn't learning yet and the relief I was desperately needing!
Fortunately, an unexpected answer to my desperate prayers finally came during the summer of 2019 after spending an unusual amount of time covering many Adorations, for guardians who were not able to attend their regularly scheduled weekly hours.
I prayed so many times during those difficult years, pleading and asking our Lord, "Why did I have to experience all these bad things in my life and when were they ever going to stop?!” I remember thinking if there was some kind of lesson God wanted me to learn I just wished I’d hurry up and learn it so He could stop “kissing me”. I would beg Him for some kind of neon sign or two-by-four to hit me over the head so I could get the clarity I obviously wasn't learning yet and the relief I was desperately needing!
Fortunately, an unexpected answer to my desperate prayers finally came during the summer of 2019 after spending an unusual amount of time covering many Adorations, for guardians who were not able to attend their regularly scheduled weekly hours.
That incredible summer I was introduced to this
beautiful soul, aka kindred spirit, called Sonja Corbitt. Known as the Bible study Evangelista!
Sonja happened to be one of the presenters at the Archdiocese of Atlanta’s Eucharistic Congress. She apparently made quite an impression on several of the parishioners from my church that were able to hear her talk. It was their enthusiasm that piqued my curiosity so I did some research of my own and learned that Sonja happened to be a convert to the Catholic faith from a southern Baptist denomination. Just like my husband and me!
I found not only her application of the Scriptures through her L.O.V.E. the Word program, but her extensive knowledge of Biblical and Church history, as taught through all her books and Bible studies, to be such incredible gifts to all of us Catholics. Actually, to all of us Christians!!
So, what does that have to do with my desperate prayers and suffering?
Well during Sonja’s talk at the Eucharistic Congress,
she alluded to a Father's wound. In doing some more research the Holy
Spirit led me to this incredible recording online of Sonja’s
complete life-changing story about healing the Father's wound.
Afterward, I felt the Holy Spirit immediately convict me as to the reasons why all those tragedies, injustices, and life pop quizzes had been permitted not only over the past five years but throughout my lifetime to date.
Sonja’s talk helped me to see that I was not only saved and made holy through prayer, the Eucharist, and the sacraments of the Church but “God was sanctifying me mainly through the sacrament of living… whatever happens to me — good or evil — all God asks is that I face it whether it is just or unjust, logical or illogical, reasonable or unreasonable”.
It didn’t mean I had to condone the evil inflicted on me or agree with the injustices that were done or put on masks to try and cover the pain and suffering. All I was asked to do was face them and only, when possible, change them.
Every time I disassociated and masqueraded to avoid facing the pains, fears, and hurt of the emotional realities, I had suffered yesterday, today, and tomorrow, I was like “the dog who returns to its vomit” (Proverbs 26:11) and this was definitely not following God’s will in my life. My vomit may have looked different than Sonja’s, but like all vomit, it destroys the relationships in our lives!!
This ultimately meant that I needed to acknowledge all my fears and the emotional pains associated with past unresolved grief, losses, tragedies, and unjust circumstances. In theory, this sounded super easy, but in actual application, it definitely has not been!
Then some years later the Holy Spirit led me down another deeper healing path where I learned how to find the root causes aka uncover the thoughts behind each of my inflictions.
I’ve learned that not only was “this how I was going to carry my own cross through the Garden of Gethsemane with Jesus”, but this was how I could 'set my neighbor free'.
Did you know purgatory is something we can all do on this side of Heaven? And it can actually be more meritorious. This has been a reprieving thought I hang onto whenever I’m faced with carrying another cross through my garden with Jesus.
I was reassured this was not a purgative journey that needed to wait until after my death, nor was it ever going to be one I could do on my own. It has been a journey of redemptive healing that I take with our Lord, one day at a time. Ultimately this is now my welcomed redemptive suffering.
Afterward, I felt the Holy Spirit immediately convict me as to the reasons why all those tragedies, injustices, and life pop quizzes had been permitted not only over the past five years but throughout my lifetime to date.
Sonja’s talk helped me to see that I was not only saved and made holy through prayer, the Eucharist, and the sacraments of the Church but “God was sanctifying me mainly through the sacrament of living… whatever happens to me — good or evil — all God asks is that I face it whether it is just or unjust, logical or illogical, reasonable or unreasonable”.
It didn’t mean I had to condone the evil inflicted on me or agree with the injustices that were done or put on masks to try and cover the pain and suffering. All I was asked to do was face them and only, when possible, change them.
Every time I disassociated and masqueraded to avoid facing the pains, fears, and hurt of the emotional realities, I had suffered yesterday, today, and tomorrow, I was like “the dog who returns to its vomit” (Proverbs 26:11) and this was definitely not following God’s will in my life. My vomit may have looked different than Sonja’s, but like all vomit, it destroys the relationships in our lives!!
This ultimately meant that I needed to acknowledge all my fears and the emotional pains associated with past unresolved grief, losses, tragedies, and unjust circumstances. In theory, this sounded super easy, but in actual application, it definitely has not been!
Then some years later the Holy Spirit led me down another deeper healing path where I learned how to find the root causes aka uncover the thoughts behind each of my inflictions.
I’ve learned that not only was “this how I was going to carry my own cross through the Garden of Gethsemane with Jesus”, but this was how I could 'set my neighbor free'.
Did you know purgatory is something we can all do on this side of Heaven? And it can actually be more meritorious. This has been a reprieving thought I hang onto whenever I’m faced with carrying another cross through my garden with Jesus.
I was reassured this was not a purgative journey that needed to wait until after my death, nor was it ever going to be one I could do on my own. It has been a journey of redemptive healing that I take with our Lord, one day at a time. Ultimately this is now my welcomed redemptive suffering.
************
I pray you found what you were needing today. Please leave a comment below, I would love to hear how this post might have been helpful for you.
Remember you are not alone! No matter what you’ve done or failed to do you are still loved unconditionally by a very merciful and just Lord and Savior!
May God Bless You,
Leslie
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